This is truly a hot topic. Actually I was planning to start talking about the inner work and some practical tools and plenty of other stuff, but… following the signs – ok, don’t laugh, but they really are signs on this road – I’ve decided to take the bull by the horns!
If you start to unravel the threats of your behavior, digging for the base reason behind it, you will finally come to two main forces: love and fear. I know I am not original at all, people have already said this ;). Now ,very important! Very, very! Here when I use the word love I don’t mean that conditional obsessive co-dependency we are used to call love! Neither some blind passive acceptance of abusive behavior. It truly is a life force – well, THE life force – it comes with the breath and with the light. I am aware how non-sense this may sound, believe me. No mind would accept such explanation. In fact, it is very hard, nearly impossible to understand it with the mind, especially if the respective senses are stupefied. Which is the most common case. You are consciously experiencing it when your mind is not behind the wheel. As a sweet warm feeling in your chest mostly – you know, connecting heart and love is not only a metaphor.
Ok, anyways, I am not going to waste time and energy to persuade you, if resonates – go further! I know you won’t believe until you experience it! And it is ok. To remain a skeptic :). But is colorblind. Ah, whatever, too talkative!
So love (wink) and fear. The first one is the soul’s way to react, the second one – the ego way. Simple as that. Don’t take me wrong. It is perfectly ok and perfectly right that ego is acting out of fear! Of course. It is a protective tool! We need it in this reality, in this density. (Ok, we needED it, where we are going now it won’t be needed anymore, but shhhh.) Currently most of the time it is ego. And then in some extreme cases, when our higher aspect overwhelms us, we act out of love. So practically we spent most of the time… in fear! Fear of not being good enough, of not being worthy, fear of abandonment /hi, buddy/, fear of losing control, fear to trust, fear to commit, fear of rejection /hello as well/, fear of death and so on. Just the short list :D. And that’s the key to all the relationship issues! Building relationships based on fear. Aiming to secure ourselves, to get a guarantee. Our ego needs rules in the relationships. So it can feel protected that it won’t experience all the stuff it fears. So basically – what we have is a deal! Between two egos. Everyone should do specific things in order the other one not to face the fears.
People. How can the poor ego do this job, ha? It is not able to provide this for one person and with that kind of relationship you want it to do it for another one as well!
So all the roles in the relationships are preset from the society. You don’t even think to question it. Everyone does like this so that’s it. But there is the news. Those models are not working anymore, they are breaking apart now. In fact – they are already dead. What we see is empty shells, ghosts, that will be gone with the wind /ah, I love I used that expression!/. It is an unavoidable part of this shift we are going through. Because most of our energy is concentrated in our relationships! This is due to this deep desire to connect with others, to be a part of something. It is coming from the soul – because it knows it is in fact not separated, it is connected with everything in the universe.
But the way we connect is currently not effective from soul point of view and it just can’t survive in the new reality. So that’s why huge part of relationships between people are falling apart. Even those that seemed stable and unbreakable. Because we have this soul desire to express the connection in 3D /don’t ask, already explained/ and that is happening through our great 3D tool – ego. And as already said – ego is kind of forgotten it is just a tool and thinks it is everything. And from its perspective the relationships with other ego looks completely different.
Ego sees itself as a separate unit. It is fighting constant threats. From environment and other units /egos/. It needs to be accepted /fear of rejection, of isolation/ – everyone gets married at a certain age, then has children, has some group of people to call friends, has business relationships and so on. Those labels need to find their objects. Poor ego is in constant stress to fill that list! Because that’s what needs to be done, right. You don’t want to be a loser, a jerk, right?
Then for every label they are rules that need to be followed. Mainly on the principle eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. The mind makes analysis to decide if that one fits or not. The other person should put minimum the same amount of energy in the relationship. Because at the end this relationship is about ME, right! I am giving so I can receive back! If what we receive back is less – trouble. That other person should have specific qualities, should behave in specific way, should look in a certain way, a variety of requirements to be met. That is called conditional love, ego love. Well, even the word love is not appropriate but we are used to say so.
Ego love works in a condition mode: I will love you IF… You need to win my love. I am not giving it for free, you know! Work hard for it. Every day! I must be your first priority. I must be the main receiver of your love and attention. Mistakes are paid with interest. Roles should be maintained. Ego love is judging, complaining, comparing. It cares more about the way the relationships looks for others then about the way the persons involved feels in it. It is happening in your head, in your mind. Ego love is a desperate try to become whole and complete by taking what is missing from another person.
And… it is far from bringing true happiness in our life. At the end – no one else can remove our fears. No one can give us what we need to fill in our emptiness. Even if that person has the greatest intention to do this. It is simply not possible! Only we alone can do this for ourselves. So just stop this “It’s not fair!” and turn inside.
Soul love or unconditional love doesn’t need a reason to love. It is not expecting. It is not attached. It is not needy. It is even not missing – because no one can take what is inside of you, if the person is gone from your life – the love remains, it is not gone with its object. There is no certain behavior other person should maintain, that person is completely free to be who they are and to change and to become whoever they want to be. Love just is. It just flows. No limits who, when or how should receive it. No need to get the same back – because you already are love. So you don’t need to receive it as you are full. Charged all the time. The sun is just sharing freely all its energy, isn’t it. But for your lamp to light you need to pay ;). Soul love can be experienced on physical level and the focus point is – guess where – in your heart. It is a very real feeling in your chest area! I know for some this sound complete sugar talk, unreal, utopic, bla bla. Take my sincere compassion then!
I will explain it from energy exchange point of view. This life energy, universal force, love, whatever we call it, can flow freely only if we connect on soul level. Ego mind is not possible to maintain it. The moment it enters ego the energy transforms. And it gets certain shape and limits. Because of the frequency thing again ;). So when two people start interact they start exchanging energy as well. If it is on ego level only, that energy just runs out at some point. So the vitalizing spark disappears. And so begins the fight for control. Who is more in charge. Who is more right. Each of you knows how this feels, right. No winners in this battle, only losers! Like when you tear a flower. It is alive and blows, because it is connected with its source and the life force is flowing easily. Then after you cut this connection it still remains alive and beautiful for a while. Until all the life force is gone. And it dies. No matter you still provide water and light – replacements of the true force. /Ah, with all that force talk starts to sound like Star Wars, hahah./
To be able to experience true love – I mean love in general, not only male-female – you need to connect with the other person on soul level. This is possible after you have already established this connection within yourself. It means you are plugged in the infinite net, you have your own unlimited access to this life energy. And what happens then is that you realize it is inexhaustible. You can give as long as you want – and still there is plenty of it! So the first and most important healthy relationship you need to establish is that with yourself! Why no one is teaching us this stuff at school ;).
Ah that topic is really huge. So will continue. With more details from masculine vs. feminine point of view.