Not fitting in


Even before you wake up /Awakening/ you can feel like you are just… somehow not fitting in! Like a stranger in this world. Like you are somehow not functioning the way other people do. No matter all the efforts to look and act just like everyone else. Because of course there should be something wrong with you, right? And you need to “correct” it and follow the society models. After your awakening this thing starts to really bother you! Because you start to see all is fake – the structure, the behavior patterns, the values. You actually don’t want to fit! Because this is not you!

All that matrix is not allowing you to be your true self. You are constantly being brainwashed – starting with kinder garden and ending with the TV programs – pay attention, they are called programs – you watch every day. So they say: you need to have that and that shape, that and that color, that and that characteristics to be acceptable or eventually successful. (Ah, I will need to write another article about this in details, it is like those Russian dolls, isn’t it ;).) And so you try to be like this and after you woke up you realize – it is not true! You don’t actually feel successful! You don’t feel happy! There is still this feeling that there should be something more. It just makes no sense. It is… to small. For your soul.

This is because your soul is something that constantly strives to grow. It is just imprinted in us. Energy can’t stay constant. It is killing it. Life means moving. Growing. Expanding. Changing. It is like… energy dance! And growing on soul level is in most cases not connected with the growing numbers in your bank account, or buying a new car or any other thing the ego wants.

OK, let’s get back to earth and try to be somehow practical :). You woke up. So what now? Everyone else looks the same, they still live this fake empty life and you simply can’t relate anymore. Even if you try. How should you continue now – you are aware of the illusion but you need to keep functioning in this illusion! Because you came here to have this experience and evolve. That you have awakened doesn’t change the fact that you are part of this material reality and… you need to master it! But how?

First – have a deep breath and just accept it! Accept the chaos and the discomfort, even the pain. In the beginning you are awakened to the fact that you are a soul but you still haven’t established a clear conscious connection with that higher aspect/true essence and you keep being in the mind most of the time – of course you are, you’ve been for so many years. Ego is not easy releasing the control, you know. It fights hard! With all tools! It can’t happen over night. It is quite frustrating especially for people like me used to expect immediate results and have troubles being patient, but it just is what it is. Accept it. And don’t tell me “It’s easy to say!”. Don’t play a victim :). Because I learned this lesson the hardest possible way. My mind never shuts up. Never. It wants to go through all possible scenarios, to calculate the most accurate result, to validate everything. So I was given an experience that was completely impossible to handle that way. And my poor mind just… burned out. Not a pretty picture. So if I can do it you can as well.

Actually it is very easy to distinguish what is the best for you – the best for your soul, your true aspect you’ve just awakened to. By noticing if you are truly happy – do you remember this feeling, do you know how it really feels? Ego is never happy and satisfied, the moment it gets what it desires it starts to desire a new thing and doesn’t really enjoy it. But if your entire essence feels joy and excitement and even euphoria – that’s it! That’s where you need to fit in! But like everything – it needs practice.

Start by going within. Try. Baby steps. Try to monitor yourself. Your reactions, your feelings, your overall state. Watch your body. Watch your thoughts. Watch your words. Watch your feelings. It takes time, guys. At least for some of us. Let go of any expectations about the results and deadlines /everytime I put deadlines universe makes such a fun of me, haha/. It blocks everything. And you are just like that back at the start line. And very important – breath consciously! Well, I recommend very strong that guy, his advises are just brilliant: Eckhart Tolle


P.S. You know, there is actually a very detailed classification and explanation for all that kind of souls currently on earth, that are feeling strangers, homesick, not belonging. But I won’t go into it. Just know that it exists! If you feel curious and you are ready to know – you will find it. The stuff  I am writing here is more for newly awakened people – by saying that I don’t want to put any idea about levels or someone being something more or higher than the others! It is just we are at different points of the way, there is no competition, no above and behind, everyone is just exactly where should.


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